Journey Of The Heart
by Neko Oni
Summary: slash aragorn x legolas m-preg. The Elves are leaving Middle Earth, and Aragorn doesn't know whether to go with Legolas, or stay and be king.
1. obligations of the heart

This is my first lotr fic. . This is AU-ish

PAIRINGS: estel (aragorn)/ legolas, elladan/elrohir, glorfindel/ elrond, haldir/erestor, galadriel/celeborn

SUMMARY: The Elves are leaving Middle Earth for the Grey Havens. Estel is unsure of whether to go with his Elven family, or stay and be king of Gondor. The Peredhil family had been through hard times-Celebrian leaving when Elrohir was sick and grieviously injured- but they've managed to find happiness again. Will seeing her again open up new wounds? Can they still be happy with her in their lives again?

WARNINGS: het, slash (m/m), m-preg , incest (elladan / elrohir)

NOTES: I'm calling Aragorn Estel in this fic. Also, I"ve changed his bloodline a bit; he actually is the son of Elrond, so he has Elf in him, and he's an immortal, but he still is Isildur's heir.

ELVISH TRANSLATIONS:

nin-melleth: my love

pen-melui: lovely one

Ada: daddy (refering to Elrond)

Adar: father (referring to Glorfindel)

Nanneth: mother

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JOURNEY OF THE HEART ARC

Part I; Parting In Such Sweet Sorrw

chapter 1: Two Young Lovers

"Estel, have you come to a decision yet? We're leaving these shores upon the dawn." Legolas' sharp blue eyes bored into Estel's back as the two princes stood under a bright waning moon and dark canopy of trees.

Estel sighed heavily and turned around, his dark eyes catching the blue ones and never looking away as he strode the few paces that separated them and captured Legolas's delicately pointed chin between his large, calloused fingers. "Nin-melleth, I love you so much it physically hurts. Were it in my power, I'd move the sun and stars should you but say the word. I hold my family dear to my heart. Elrond's blood flows in my veins; it is he that bore me in his womb. Yet, for all this, Isildur's blood also flows in my veins." He sighed again, descending into sorrow and brooding silence as he released Thranduil's youngest child before turning away once more.

Legolas's blue eyes glittered brighter than the stars as he reached out and laid a finely boned hand upon Estel's broad shoulder, causing him to halt. "I know you would make a fine king, nin-melleth, as fine as Gil-galad himself, but you are not Isildur's only heir. Eowyn would be a fine, strong ruler, and she already has the support of Gondor's steward, and her lover, Faramir."

Estel slowly turned his tormented face to the Elf's beseeching one. "Aii, my heart, still I can not decide. Eowyn is naught but a woman, and yet, I can not bear to leave my family....leave you.." His voice became too thick with emotion, tears running down his cheeks.

Legolas framed Estel's face with his slim hands and gently, tenderly, he kissed Elrond's youngest child upon the lips. "My Estel, Eowyn is more than capable of ruling the realm of Men. The Elves are being called home to Arda, and if you stay, you will become mortal and die." Legolas' voice was soft yet fierce, his eyes shining with conviction.

Estel made a strangled, tormented sound in his throat. "Aiya, Legolas, why must you tell me that which I already know?"

Legolas hissed and backed up a few steps. A sob lodged in his throat. "Would you abandon me so easily? Do I truly matter so little to you, Estel? You promised we'd be bonded! You swore an oath of love eternal here in this very grove when we first-" The prince choked on his anguished tears, one hand across his abdomen. His heart lurched, his emotional pain so intense it became physical, and his knees buckled.

Estel caught the blonde's lean, light frame made heavy by the thick, heavily embroidered traveling robes he wore. His crown of woven flowers was dulled by his shimmering, silky smooth hair and perfect, pale skin, both of which glowed in the moon's light. "Legolas." He breathed softly as he held the crying prince to his chest.

The beautiful Elf jerked back at the whisper, tears still falling down his cheeks, the wet jewels sparkling like little stars. "I can't believe you of all people would go back on your word. Where is your honor you claim to hold so dear? You took a blood oath! We've been betrothed since we were mere elflings! You would so easily throw all that away, for a country and a people to whom you owe no allegiance? Hai, Isildur is your sire, but you've never even seen the man! How could you just forsake all you hold dear, all you've ever known. You would so easily forsake your family-forsake me-forsake the child growing within me?"

Estel gasped and stared in shock at his lover. "L-legolas?"

Legolas didn't flinch or look away from him. "I only found out recently, and I wanted to know your decision before I told you. But, yes, Estel, it is your child that dwells within me."

Estel's resolve crumpled at this news and he crushed Legolas to him in a fierce, deep kiss. As he let Imladris' wandering wolf ravage his sweet mouth, the young Elf felt the heady sense of victory. He truthfully was pregnant with Estel's child, but he never would have used that to influence Estel's decision. But Ada (Thranduil) wouldn't allow anyone to break his youngest child's heart. He doted upon Legolas, Mirkwood's beloved Morning Star, and would have forced Estel to come, willingly or not. That coupled with the unexpected arrival and begging of Arwen, had persuaded him. No matter what, Estel must not be left behind.

Arwen was hidden by thick foliage and dark shadows as she watched the two lovers. Her fine lips twisted into a vicious, victorious smirk. Arwen's pride was still smarting from having to bend her knee to the one Elf who had been her rival for Estel's hand. Yes, the fabled Evenstar had humbled herself before the bright light of day. Elrond's only daughter gritted her teeth, still stinging from her encounter with Legolas. She would rather sleep with an Orc than do that again.

But she had done it to keep her family together, just as she had once rivaled Legolas for Estel's heart. During their coming-of-age years, when they were merely fifty, she had savagely pursued her youngest brother, afraid and believing that Legolas would still Estel from them. She'd gladly pay the price of wounded pride and more for her family. Ada, Glorfindel, Elladan, Elrohir, and Estel meant the world to her, and she would let NOTHING tear them apart ever again. It was bad enough her mother had already done that. Arwen would keep this family together even if it killed her.

Arwen smiled with grim satisfaction as Estel relented. Now all she had to do was get back to Imladris' camp, which was two hours away from the Mirkwood camp, before Estel did. He must never know of what she had done; proud Estel must always think he came of his own free will.

She let out a soft, derisive snort before quietly turning and making her way back silently as only Elves can. She swung into the saddle of her snowy white stallion with practiced ease. Her mirthril sword was in its scabbard at her side, and she wore a simple travel tunic and hose so she wasn't hampered by a robe or gown. She had to travel swiftly and lightly lest Estel beat her home, or anyone at home found out she was gone. She wanted everyone to believe this was Estel's own free choice, as it should be. The Evenstar clucked softly to her horse, whispering in Elvish and the snow white steed set of at a brisk pace for the encampment.

Estel's half-sister wasn't the only one spying on them. Thranduil had watched the exchange grimly. He was fully willing to bound and gag Estel and bring him forcefully to Valinor in mirthril chains if he had to. Nobody broke his precious baby's heart. Thranduil's green eyes were like smoldering embers as he remembered his talk with Legolas. He'd told his son to use whatever tactics necessary to convince Estel to come. He knew how much his son loved Elrond's youngest, and how much his heart would hurt should Estel stay behind. Legolas would grieve and that would hurt Thranduil's own heart. He never could stand to see Legolas cry or be in pain.

The Mirkwood king watched silently as Estel held Legolas in his arms, kissing him softly. His keen Elven eyes could make out the tears still glistening like morning dew on Legolas' lashes. Seeing Legolas lay his head on Estel's shoulder, and seeing Estel respond in kind, Thranduil relented a little, but he still kept a watchful vigil. He had no intention of letting Estel out of his sight; he didn't trust the human blood in him. But there were many preparations still to make for the morrow's journey that would take them from these shores forever. Since Estel didn't appear to be heading home any time soon, Thranduil turned and left to fetch someone to take his place in keeping an eye on Estel.

"So, Estel, have you come to a decision?" Mirkwood's Morning Star spoke softly, voice trembling with hope and trying to hide his fear. Estel took a deep breath , caught off guard. He and Legolas had fallen into a contented silence.

Estel still was at a loss what to do. He felt like his heart was being torn in half and ripped asunder. He loved Legolas and his family; they were his everything. He'd sworn an oath of eternal love for the prince, who was also pregnant with his baby. Out of all Elrond's children, the mortal blood ran strongest in Estel; indeed, there was more human than Elf in his appearance, he still felt his place was with his Ada, Glorfindel, and his siblings. Yet, for all that, he was also Isildur's child, and, as such, had a duty to the Edains, too. He had no love in his heart for his Edain sire, indeed, no memories of him nor loyalty to him. Yet Isildur's blood still flowed in his veins, and that blood bound him to Gondor and the throne. Eowyn was the only other one besides him who could wear the crown, and she was just a woman, which made it his sole responsibility. There was no one else.

But looking into those deep, shimmering blue eyes, Estel couldn't deny his heart's desire. "Aye, I'll go where my heart goes." And he kissed Legolas' finger with their betrothal ring on it. Legolas melted against him, knowing Estel was sincere. But he knew his father and Arwen wouldn't be as trusting so when Estel went to kiss his lips, Legolas turned his head away. "What is it?" Estel's voice was concerned and hurt.

"How do I know you'll really come? You were willing to break you oath to me, to your family, all to fulfill a duty to a kingdom you've never set foot in."

Something in the prince's voice caught Estel. He sounded like Arwen; he was after something. This conniving wasn't like his fair Legolas at all, and Estel wondered if he'd talked to Arwen, then shook his head. His sister was back at the Imladris camp, helping Glorfindel and Ada with the preparations whilst Elladan looked after Elrohir. "Legolas?"

Legolas turned to look at him, and this time it was the prince's, not somebody else's words or fears, but his own that the young Elf put forth. "What if you don't come? I don't think I could take it. It isn't fair to me, to our child!" Tears shimmered in his eyes and his voice choked off in a muffled sob.

"Legolas." Estel reached for Thranduil's youngest child, but the Morning Star turned away. "Legolas, please, just hear me out-"

"I've already listened to your words, Estel. And you've heard mine. Now it is time for you to make a decision. One that you'll commit yourself to. There will be no turning back, no running away." Legolas still refused to look at him; he couldn't. His back was stiff and his voice hard. No matter how much Ada and Arwen wanted him to, Legolas wouldn't fall crying on his knees before Estel, weeping at his feet. Estel's fate would also be his own; either Estel would choose for them to be together, or he'd choose for them to part. Legolas was determined to accept either path with as much dignity as he could muster. But still he could not stop the tears flowing down his cheeks.

"Legolas, you're my everything-" Estel once more reached out, desperate to soothe the Elf, his arms aching to hold him.

The prince whirled around viciously, hair, cloak and tears flying. A few of the sorrowful drops landed on Estel's outstretched hand. "Choose, Estel!" Legolas snarled, his voice thick with hurt. It was as if he was shattering into pieces before Estel's eyes. Their gazes locked, piercing blue meeting bewildered gray. When Estel neither moved nor spoke, Legolas continued, though his voice was lower, it was just as thick and cutting. "My heart is bleeding. Either heal these wounds you've caused, or plunge the dagger in all the way. Either way, end my misery." It was Legolas who broke their gaze; he couldn't bear to look at Elrond's son when he gave his decision.

For once in his young life, Estel was at a loss for words. 'I'm going' seemed inadequate. Finding no words that would suffice, Estel reached into his own cloak. He had not changed into his heavy, elaborate traveling robes, like Legolas already had; he wore a simple tunic and hose. He hesitated only briefly before unsheathing the small, intricately forged dagger. He twirled it once with his nimble fingers before flicking it into the dirt at Legolas' feet.

Not expecting the move, Legolas gasped and jumped backwards, lifting the heavy hems of his robes. He drew in a sharp breath when Estel turned and quickly fled the clearing. Estel had given his answer, then had glanced up at the moon; it was nearing daybreak; the far off horizon was tinged with the barest trace of pink. He had lost track of time; he'd dallied too long, now he had to hurry home lest Ada and Adar leave without him!

"Estel!" Legolas called out, reaching with trembling fingers for Estel's dagger. It was very precious to the half-human prince; it was a gift from his Ada and Adar, Elrond and Glorfindel, on his sixteenth Begetting day. Estel would never part with it. Unless he planed on getting it back. Letting out a deep breath, the Morning Star held Estel's beloved dagger to his chest and stared in the direction his betrothed had fled before turning and going back to the Mirkwood camp.

tbc.....

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review? please?


	2. shards of the heart

Wow, it's been so long. But I said I wouldn't give up, and I haven't yet! (strikes a victory pose)

And thanks to all of you who reviewed! 

Oh, and I forgot to put this up last chapter, so I'm doing it now:

DISCLAIMER: Stands for entire story. I don't own, and I'm making no money off of this. LOTR belongs to Tolken, not me.

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All the little pieces falling, shatter

Shards of me

Too sharp to put back together.

Too small to matter

But big enough to cut me into so many little pieces

And I bleed

I bleed

And I bleed

- from "Breathe No More" by Evanescence

Drifting clouds had obscured the moon by the time Arwen slipped into the camp. Having a fleet of foot mount and being the best rider in the family, she'd made it back in good time. She'd just finished putting her white stallion away in the make-shift paddock and was nearing the tent she shared with the older twins when slim arms slipped around her waist. "Arwen, we were worried about you; you went for an awfully long ride. Ada and Adar needed your help."

Arwen swallowed nervously; she really hadn't wanted anyone to know she'd been gone so long. She'd been hoping that in the chaos of packing, her long absence would have gone unnoticed. "I was just out-you know- riding and-and saying goodbye." Her voice was too hight pitched and breathy for her liking; she'd been caught off guard. Her elder brother Elrohir frowned, but didn't press her. "Did Estel go with you? You'd left shortly before him- did he catch up with you?"

"No, he's-I don't know where he's at." Arwen quickly caught herself.

Elrohir's eyes shimmered with worry in the darkness. "Arwen, I know you're lying. Estel's not coming, isn't he?"

"He'll come. I know it. He's not the type to abandon his family. He'll be here." The twin still looked doubtful, so to distract him, Arwen asked, "What are you still doing up?"

"I was trying to read the stars, but they're veiled to me. They're always veiled." Tears of frustration welled in Elrohir's eyes.

"When we return to the Grey Havens, you will be made well again, and able to read the skies as you once did." Arwen took his brother's hands in her own, still surprised after all these centuries how cold and clammy the young Elf's pale skin was. It had been so long since she had felt the Elven warmth flow through his body.

The warm night breeze picked up and Elrohir shuddered. One finely boned, cold hand came up to cover his mouth as he coughed. Elves did not suffer the frailties of human; they didn't get diseases or sickness. All except Elrohir, ever since eh'd been shot down by that poisonous Orc arrow.

Arwen touched the twin's forhead and frowned when she felt a slight fever. "Elrohir!" She exclaimed, and Elrohir tried to give her a reassuring smile, but his coughing fit wasn't over. "You should be in bed. Elladan will have my head if he sees you sick and wearing nothing but an under robe!" She scolded while Elrohir rolled his eyes, but before he could say anything, his younger sister pushed him into their tent.

It was dark inside without the light of the stars or the moon, and it took a moment for their eyes to adjust. Elladan was sound asleep in the bedroll he shared with his twin, eventhough they were well past the age for such things.

"You should sleep while you can. There's only a few hours until daybreak, when we must get up and leave." Arwen said with a meaningful look to Elrohir's vacated spot besides their eldest brother.

Elrohir took a step away from the blankets laid upon the ground and wrapped his arms around himself. "I've tried, but sleep evades me this night. My mind is too restless. Estel's been gone for a long time- and he never, in all our conversations, gave any of us a straight answer." He followed his younger sister to her bedroll , and sat down while Arwen changed into her traveling robes. There would be no sleep for her this night; she was keeping a vigil for Estel.

Arwen sighed in defeat; she'd never been able to deny Elrohir. She removed her tunic, hose and boots, and now merely wore her under robe, same as Elrohir and Elladan. She looked as if she was ready for bed. She sat down and put an arm around his slender shoulders. He rested his head against hers. "Elrohir, Estel will come. Have faith in him."

Elrohir's eyes misted over with a deep sorrow, and he looked away.

"Pen-melui…" She began, but his next words cut her off.

"Arwen, I don't know what to think. It's Estel's choice; no one can make it except him. We all had to make that decision on our own, for 'tis our life and no one else's. Much as I'm worried about our baby brother, in these quiet hours, I've been wondering…" He paused, hesitant to bring up a subject which was still painful after all these centuries. It was an unwritten rule in the Peredhil household that no one ever spoke of Celebrian.

"Elrohir?"

"I've just been…thinking…do you think….I wonder…..Nenneth's healed by now? Will she remember us?" Tears welled in his eyes and trickled down his cheeks, and her barely audible whisper died.

Arwen jerked away, her grey eyes flashing with anger and a deeply harbored hatred for the selfish bitch who'd nearly torn their family asunder. "Do not speak to me of that evil witch! She should be suffering for all eternity in the darkness of the Abyss!" She hissed vehemently, and Elrohir flinched at the venom in her voice, though he knew well how spiteful his little sister could be.

His own voice came as a choked sob. "She's our mother! You shouldn't speak of her so. What would Ada say?"

While Elrohir's eyes shimmered with tears, Arwen's burned with violent hatred. "That vile bitch is the reason you are the way you are. If it wasn't for her, you'd still be whole! You never would've been shot!"

The twin stared at her in shock. Arwen usually held her tongue on this matter, but now centuries of anger and hate were seething out. And here in the dark of the tent, with only Elrohir, on their last night upon these shores and with the uncertainty of her youngest brother upon her shoulders, she felt safe venting her burning rage.

Elrohir bit his lip, reaching out to his sister, who was on fire. "Nanneth was very hurt; she needed to go…"

"You stupid twit! She left when you were on your deathbed! She had no love in her selfish heart for you, or for any of us! How stupid are you not to realize that?!" Arwen's voice was a harsh, loud, and angry whisper. In her desperation to make him see the light, she grabbed and shook Elrohir, his long, loose raven hair flying.

Elrohir cried out painfully as his neck was jarred from the force of the shakes. Arwen didn't know her own strength. Elladan had been sleeping soundly, even with Arewn's big mouth running, but his twin's cry had him shooting bolt upright, looking around frantically for his brother, who always slept besides him.

Soon as he saw them, he jumped up. "Arwen! Stop it; you're hurting him! Get off, you idiot!" He hissed, forcing his way between them, and shoving Arwen off the older boy.

Arwen was knocked over; she lay on her back, panting heavily. Elladan took his brother, who was younger than him by mere seconds, into his arms. Elrohir let his head flop onto his twin's shoulder; rubbing his neck until Elladan pushed his hand away and examined it himself.

"You're alright, pen-melui." Elladan shot his only sister a scathing look. "No thanks to you. You know what he's been like ever since…" He trailed off and shook his head. Elladan held his brother close, running a hand through his long, tangled hair and pressing butterfly soft kisses to his temple. Slowly, Elrohir quieted down under the elder twin's gentle administrations.

"Elladan…" Elrohir entreated, but was too tired, too cold and worn to continue arguing. Elladan continued touching him gently, resting his cheek on the younger twin's raven locks which were so like his own.

TBC…

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Eh, this was a depressing chappie….and reviews are always appreciated!


	3. Chapter 3

Inside the vast, grand tent, Glorfindel sat on a low stool whilst his mate restlessly paced up and down. "Elrond, that will accomplish nothing other than wearing a hole in the ground and tiring you out."

Elrond paused once to give him a brief, sideways glance. "Last time I checked, the twins were still asleep, Arwen was wherever it is she disappears to on those rides of hers, and Estel still had not come back."

As he walked past him again, Glorfindel pulled him into his lap. "I'm worried for Estel, too, but it is out of our hands; he's old enough to choose his own path." Elrond entwined one of his long, slender hands with that of Glorfinel's. The golden haired elf raised their clasped hands to his lips and kissed the back of Elrond's hand.

Elrond stared at their hands, his mind turning to the other worry. He shot up and began to pace again. "Things change, nothing stays the same. We immortals know this well. And our family certainly has changed; it's taken us so long to heal and be whole again. I don't know if Celebrian still has a place in this family or not. I don't know if she cares or if I even want her in our lives. I…can't keep from wondering how she'll react when she sees us…when she learns I've given my heart to another…"

A shadow flickered in Glorfindel's deep blue eyes, betraying his own inner fears and breaking his relaxed image. He didn't believe in hiding emotions, but neither did he advocate stressful worrying when it would accomplish nothing. He was just as tormented as his lover; what if Elrond fell back in love with her again? Would the dark haired elf cast him aside? And what of their youngest? He didn't relish the thought of a child he loved like his own staying behind. The image of the young half elf stripped of the elven light, his mortal body cold and dead with old age or worse, left the blonde chilled to the bone.

Elrond caught the emotions rippling across Glorfindel's face like water. He took his smooth, angular face into his hands. "I love you. You aren't taking her place; I love you in a way I've never loved her. She still has a place in my heart, good or bad. She's a part of my past; a piece of her will always be with me. I don't blame her for what she did. But it is you who holds my heart now." Elrond ran a hand through his thick, gorgeous, waist length golden hair, fingers ghosting over his warrior's braids.

Glorfindel stood up and wrapped his lean arms around Elrond's trim waist. Elrond was only inches shorter than him. Gerey eyes locked with blue, then he pulled him close. They were both in their under robes. Glorfindel was lean muscle and sinew. "We have to believe everything will be alright." He whispered fiercely, holding Elrond tightly and closed his eyes, a single tear running down his cheek.

Elrond shook his head in denial; he wasn't as optimistic as Glorfindel. He pulled back, his long, long, loose ebony hair swaying. "It's late. Arwen is probably back and in bed. Estel should be here too. But he isn't. He isn't here, and he should be! Where is he? Where?"

He resumed his relentless pacing, clasping and unclasping his hands, knotted hair swaying, lips twisted in bitter concentration, eyes focused inwards. Glorfindel slumped gracelessly into his seat, rubbing his face in frustration as he watched his mate.

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Arwen's grey eyes were wide and she stood perfectly still like a cornered rabbit in the dark night. Her need to find Estel was frantically rekindled. She glanced at the moon; Estel had had plenty of time to arrive by now. Unless he wasn't coming….she whirled around and took off running soundlessly, except for the rustling of her silken underrobe.

She searched desperately all over the camp, often doubling and tripling back. She found no trace of her little brother. Though she spent the rest of the night scouring the camp and the surrounding woodland, Estel never showed up.


End file.
